Thursday, September 19, 2013

Things I Have Learned

I'm not the brightest bulb in the box sometimes - but I have learned a few things.

  • Don't try to remove a splinter with a needle after drinking a pot of coffee.
  • Don't prune shrubs after a few glasses of red wine.
  • Fifteen tomato plants is too many for one person to ever possibly eat.
  • It will only rain if you water the yard for five or more hours with the sprinkler or by hand in the heat.
  • Be sure to read the plant tag carefully, there is a big difference between 10"-18" and 10'-18'. 
  • When taking pictures of water plants, hold your phone VERY carefully over the water. 
  • The day of your August garden party it will be 104 degrees.
  • When your zucchini are the size of a newborn, nobody wants them.
  • If you see a weed, pull it out then, don't leave it for later.
  • Always wear your work gloves, even when you don't want to. Blisters suck!
  • The hose will always manage to get caught in the hose-guards and smash the plants you were trying to protect.  
  • If a plant is not thriving, move it or ditch it. 
  • At a plant sale or nursery, if you are attracted to a plant, always buy it. If you pick it up and then set it down and don't buy it - you will regret it later. When you go back to get it - it will probably be gone...
  • No matter how you are dressed, you will be too hot or too cold. 
  • Hardiness-smardiness - try planting it anyway.
  • No matter the Latin name of the plant - I will always pronounce it wrong.
  • No matter where I put my trowel, I will find it in the last place I look.  
  • Digging projects are always better with help.
  • "Needs staking", usually means it needs support or will fall over and be a big pain in the butt.
  • Never order plants on-line - they are rarely as good as you hope.
  • Bird feeders = sprouted bird seed weeds everywhere.   
  • Earwigs always freak me out. 
  • Things will always get planted too close together. 
  • Yes, that smacking sound is the dog eating cat pooh.
  • Plants will reseed themselves just exactly where you don't want them.
  • If the plant tag says "vigorous, spreading, rambunctious, etc" best not to buy it.
  • I enjoy planting bean seeds more than I enjoy picking beans.
  • Sharp tools work better, mower blades too.
  • A lot of weeds look like they are not weeds.
  • It's easier to eat raw veggies from the garden, while in the garden. Who needs cooking?
  • You can never have too many Gnomes.
What have you learned?


  1. Thanks for the laugh! I agree with everything but the gnomes. There is a limit, trust me. ;-)

  2. Never yank on the hose, especially if you're near the end that's attached to the house. And I disagree about ordering plants online. I've done it without disappointment. I like planting smaller plants and watching them grow. I've only had a few fail to thrive.

  3. I love this post Matthew! A couple of my things...
    1. As soon as you break down and buy that plant you'll find it cheaper/bigger at the next nursery
    2. There is ALWAYS room for another plant
    3. Make friends with people who grow too many tomatoes
    4. No matter now long you think it will last summer is never long enough.

  4. Hahaha! My addition is:
    Those days you PROMISE ypurself you'll get out good and early to water - but don't - are the days it gets to be at least 100 degrees in the afternoon.

  5. This is a wonderful post! I enjoyed the responses too! I especially like DG's #2!! :)

  6. Great post! Unfortunately, I've learned nothing in all this time. In a way, that's a good thing because as I age, there is much less to miss as my memory fades.

  7. This post is awesome. Been there, done that with the splinters and the drunk pruning. Also: no matter how much I think I will put on sunscreen later, it's never going to happen. I have to put it on before I go out and get dirty. On the upside: vitamin D!